so here it is, approximately 7:45am, and i am driving home from work, listening to the dean blundell show on the edge, when the "edge files" come on (dean's take on some of the more ridiculous headlines from around the world). today, i got to hear about the "butt bandit".
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A vandal’s reign of terror hopefully came to an end on Wednesday morning, when a 35-year-old man was arrested for a series of grotesque, ass-related crimes in Valentine, Nebraska. Yes, they’ve finally caught the Butt Bandit.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, a man has roamed the streets of Valentine at night since Spring 2007, pressing his ass cheeks against the windows of local buildings and leaving a stain of petroleum jelly and lotion. Churchs, schools, businesses—no plate of glass was too sacred for the Butt Bandit. One night, he even managed to leave his assprint on every window of a hotel. Damn you, Butt Bandit! Always one step ahead!
While the suspect’s identity has yet to be released, the culprit (based on a blurry security cam image) was described as a thin man over six feet tall with dark “1980s, feathered” hair. While we’d love to see a mugshot (Feathered hair! Yes!), Scandalist also hopes they take a photo of his Prince/Fartman-style assless pants.
If he wasn’t wearing assless pants, we’re very disappointed.
-www.scandalist.com
that post was written in late september of this year, and since then, this man had been sentenced to a year in jail. ONE YEAR IN JAIL. he didn't graffiti up any private property. he didn't cause any physical damage to any of these establishments. he merely left a "greased up but-print" on a window.
im not saying that i would ever be the guy to clean that shit up, but to spend a year in jail for something that can be resolved as easily as: spray, spray - squeegie, squeegie, seems a little over the top.
so my congratulations to Valentine, Nebraska for clearly having their priorities straight. could you imagine what the sentence would have been had he defaced a corn-field???
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