MIAMI... Revisited

Well Proline has gone and done it again. Apparently there they aren't big fans of ol'Morts here, so we are gonna just have to improvise.

First off. There isn't any way i am taking Willie Parker to rush for 95 yards, and there is no way i am taking Willie Parker to NOT rush for 95 yards.

The same goes with Larry Fitzgerald receiving for 99 yards, and Anquain Bolden catching 5 passes.

But enough about what i don't like...

SuperBowl Props:

Warner - over 23.5 completions
Total Fumbles Lost - over 1.5
Total QB Sacks - over 5.5
Longest Pass Completed - over 48.5 yards
Longest Rush - over 24.5 yards*
Longest Punt Return - over 18.5 yards**

* is completely out of habit
** is against the norm, but both teams have the ability to break one loose.


There it is... The last of the 2008/2009 NFL Season. Not to worry though, there is a little thing called MARCH MADNESS just around the corner, and before you know it, it will be September again and we will be right back where we started.

An Evening With...

Mallrats was on MPIX a couple of days ago, and even though i own the DVD, i had completely forgotten just how amazing and underrated this movie really is.

Jason Lee is at his absolute best.


... and again


This movie is yet another example of the brilliance that is Kevin Smith. I don't usually gush, but the ability to create dialogue that seems almost generic, but flows and defines the characters is quite remarkable. The fact that i can pick up this movie some 14 years later and still be able to relate... well not so much relate to, but it still has the same affect as it did back in 1995. The comedy is timeless.

This also happened to be the inspiration for the poll this week.

ALSO, if you get the chance i would highly recommend going to see Kevin Smith do his third installment of "An Evening With" at Roy Thompson Hall in Toronto.
I, myself, am still looking to get tickets.

Friday February 6
Saturday February 7
-both shows start at 7:00


snoochie boochies... BONNNG!!!

It started with 32 Teams... MIAMI HERE WE COME

So here we go again, another season is about to wrap up and a new champion will emerge. We have the Pittsburgh Steelers opening at -6.5, getting as high as -7.5, and currently back to where they started at -6.5
We also have a game total of 46.5 which hasn't really done anything at all the past week and a half except stay at a pretty standard 46.5

UNFORTUNATELY - proline has not yet released its props ticket for the big game like i had hoped they would, and although i am quite confident in where i am leaning, i would still like to see some numbers to avoid any kind of ridiculousness on my part.
I'm going to be giving enough ridiculousness when i make my selection, don't you worry.

Once the props line comes out, i will get at it in more detail, but as it stands, i'm looking at something along the lines of:

Warner Completions - over
Fitzgerals Receptions - over
Parker Rushing yards - over
Interceptions - over
Fumbles - over
Longest Pass - over

**again this all will be determined on exactly how these lines are set(obviously).



... AND NOW FOR THE BIG QUESTION???
For as many times as i have said that defense wins championships, there have been an equal amount of times i have said not to count out the cardinals just yet. So, for my final hoorrrah...

DON'T COUNT OUT THE CARDINALS JUST YET!!!

I don't know why, or exactly what it is, but i just cannot get off this team right now. I think i am just hoping for a really really good game, but i also think that the cardinals have the weapons to get it done. Fitzgerald IS the best receiver in the NFL. Bolden is easily top five. Tim Hightower and a fresh, fresh, i only started the first half of this season so my legs aren't tired at all come the playoffs Edgerrin James aren't gonna do a whole lot in the stat book, but will definately keep pittsburgh's defense honest.

And then there is God man himself, Captain Kurt.

As much as i dislike him, he plays the game well. He sees the plays develop and makes smart decisions. My only concern with him is the fumble. He has seemed to have had that under control more this season. But he quietly still managed to lose 7/11 fumbles, and this pittsburgh defense is going to do everything they can to get at him from every angle possible.

On the other side of the ball we are looking at a pittsburgh offense who has really been able to turn it on when they needed to all season long. Big Ben has been poised in the pocket, made very intelligent football decisions, and has been nothing short of spectacular on 3rd downs.
But he struggled in his last superbowl. And although it was his first, and he ended up being the youngest quarter back to ever win the big game, you gotta be able to prove yourself in the big game. With Hines Ward not at 100%, and a cardinals defense that has all of a sudden emerged dominant throughout the playoffs. This could be a really REALLY good game.

Proline: the tie (3.60), and the over (46.5 @1.80)
- find a nice hockey game, or college ball game to throw in there to complete the parlay
**props ticket will be announced as it becomes available

BOWMANS: Arizona +6.5
(and if you wanna throw a little sprinkle on the money line +200)

So as you can see i think this is gonna be a close one... a higher than you might think close one to be exact. The bottom line is you got the best defense in the league going up against one of the most explosive offenses in the league. Anything can happen, anything is possible, and for 60 minutes these two teams are gonna give everything they've got to take that final step into immortality. Wow... only 60 more minutes of football until its over for another year. I'm gonna enjoy this.

The Conference Championships... SuperBowl Here We Come

So unlike the college bowl season, the NFL playoffs have been quite friendly to good ol' Morts. 4-0 last week for a combined 7-1 has had this guy laughing all the way to the proline booth. Don't worry Bowmans, i'm not going to forget about you... I have also laughed while clicking away on your site.

This is also usually the time where i start to get frivolous and as good ol' Jay Bizzle puts it "hate my money". So i'm trying to be a little more conservative this week.

ENTER THE TEASER:

Before i dive right into all of this, let me just say that i am aware of all the history between the Steelers and the Ravens, and that in the history of the NFL (since the merger) no team has beaten another team three times in one year, and that the Eagles are the Giants of last year, and all the other nonsense that goes into sports writers justifying their jobs. I get it. But both of these lines are trap bets.

Philadelphia -4.0 (-3.5 proline)
Pittsburgh -6.0 (-6.5 proline)

SERIOUSLY???

This is how you want to play on Championship Sunday. Fine.

Tease it.

Philadelphia -2.5


Pittsburgh -3.0

Those are my lines. Those are my bets.

But wait... There's more.

Since proline doesn't give you the opportunity to tease your lines you gotta get crafty. Scrap the spread bets (as you can really only get 2:1 this week anyways) and check out the actual proline board.

PHI @ ARZ: tie(+210/3.10)
PHI @ ARZ: over 47.5(-140/1.60)


BAL @ PIT: tie(+250/3.50)
BAL @ PIT: under 33.5(-140/1.60)


... or maybe you wanna check out some of the ProPicks/Props:

Philadelphia @ Arizona:

Westbrook - under 72.5 yards rushing
Jackson - over 4.5 receptions
Total Fumbles Lost - over 1.5
Longest Pass - over 50.5 yards
Longest Rush - over 20.5 yards


Baltimore @ Pittsburgh:

Roethlisberger - over 17.5 completions
Parker - under 74.5 yards rushing
Total Fumbles Lost - over 1.5
Total Sacks - over 4.5
Longest Pass Completes - over 42.5 yards
Longest Rush - over 18.5 yards
Longest Field Goal Made - under 44.5 yards
***shit you can't even do seven games... fuck it, just take any six.

Also, apparently this site isn't a big fan of me using the NFL team logos in my posts, hence the player photos this week. Enjoy

The Life And Times Of Tim

If you haven't seen this show, then it is time to get out from under the rock in which you are living. A quick montage to further my point.



This show is by far my favourite surprise of 2008, and if you still aren't a believer after watching the clip, then perhaps you need to go back under the rock.

A Decade Ago...

Believe it or not, a decade has passed since... well you can see for yourself:



Yes, that was 'Puff Daddy' back in his prime -- "Public Enemy #1". Perhaps the breakdown (if you can call it that) with Mr. Combs showing off his skills may go down in history as the all-time, most unnecessary and useless waste of money. In a time where your music video had to use the full $1,000,000 budget; the two helicopters, the Lamborghini, extensive wardrobe changes, not to mention the ice... this just didn't seem to be enough for 'puff'. He absolutely needed to make the video an extra 45 seconds longer to accentuate the story line with a one-man-dance-routine.


And of course in order to get your medium out to the largest market possible, you slap the words "Rock Remix" on yet another video, feature said 'remix' with Chuck D who is actually in PUBLIC ENEMY and well, you end up with something like this:



And yes... It has been 10 years since Sean "Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy" Combs was P.E. 2000 (aka: Public Enemy #1)

Division Championship Weekend

Well, the ravens and eagles both looked really impressive last weekend, while the chargers and cardinals did just enough to get by. The colts took way too many "questionable" penalties at the end of the game, and didn't even give themselves a shot at winning.

Regardless, what is done is done, 3-1 in the post season can only mean that i am going to be 0-for this week... and don't even get me started about the college bowl predictions. I don't think there is a hole big enough i can hide in to escape from that bombing. I mean WOW!!! (GO SOONERS!!!)


...ANYWAYS...

The lines have already started to move and it is what... Wednesday??? But here is what I'm looking at this week:

BALTIMORE @ TENNESSEE -3.0
PICK: Ravens +3.0/+140(already dropped to +135)


PHILADELPHIA @ NEW YORK GIANTS -3.0
(currently -4.0 on bowmans, -3.5 on proline)

Pick: Eagles +3.0/+175


SAN DIEGO @ PITTSBURGH -6.0 (-6.5 on proline)
Pick: Steelers -6.0/-6.5


I am very very hesitant to pick the Cardinals/Panthers game for several reasons: First of all, the line ranges anywhere from 9.5 to 10.5 points which is the difference between a one score and a two score game.
Secondly, when theses teams played in week 8, Arizona dominated Carolina for three quarters, and simply just fell apart in the fourth... oh and did i mention that this game was played in Carolina.
The catch to all of this is that Carolina has had a week off to get "healthy", while one of Arizona's biggest weapons is already being rumored to miss the game (Anquain Bolden)
Regardless of what they did last week against Michael Turner, Arizona still has one of the worst rush defenses in the league, and the tandem led by DeAngelo Williams is sure to exploit that.
In my opinion this game is going to come down to which QB has the better game, and which offense makes the fewest mistakes.

If you can get the cardinals +10.5, then that would be my play. Any other line i am just leaving alone.

... this note is legal tender

"WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, AS WE ARE NO LONGER ACCEPTING $100 BILLS." Are you fucking kidding me!!! In certain circumstances i can understand this policy. Gas stations/Convenience stores for example, where you are highly susceptible to a robbery, or nothing in your store costs more than $19.99. But when retailers begin with this nonsense... ESPECIALLY AROUND CHRISTMAS, it infuriates me like you wouldn't believe... (who knew this was such a hot button of mine)


First and foremost. $100 bills are LEGAL MONEY, they aren't just some novelty item, designed for a specific usage. They are actual currency. Turning down someone desiring to purchase a good or service because their method of payment doesn't meet your criteria seems fucking backwards to me.
People spend hundreds of dollars a week at a grocery store. Just because the majority of the people are using some form of plastic, or smaller bills doesn't take the onus off the establishment to honour LEGAL MONEY for payment. That is the basic principle of our monetary system. Print money to buy goods and services. It is its only function. Money saved is intangible. If you put it in the bank or invest it, it ceases to be a "note" anymore.


And another thing... The security features on nearly all currency... WORLD-WIDE, are top notch, and constantly changing. Watermarks, holograms, raised ink, black light features are all there... and only getting better. Hell even the guy hiding in the bushes behind the white-house is made up of several individual dots, that when duplicated become just another smeared line.
Did you know??? The most counterfeited denomination in Canada is the $5 bill. Think about the logistics, and how many more $5 bills get passed around, than any other denomination... EVERYDAY!!! The sad part about all of this is that the signage trying to prevent a business from being ripped off, has little-to-no effect on the situation at all.


The latest incident happened to me this past weekend while making a proline ticket (did you expect anything less... really???). I decided that i was going to purchase my $50 ticket with a $50 bill. Not so much. I wasn't buying a pack of gum and trying to get change, I was spending $50 for something that cost $50. Normally i give a little spiel about pretty much what i am ranting on about right now (not in so much detail) and be on my way. Sunday... not so much. Looked at the guy behind the counter, "really??? you aren't gonna take this?"

"nope" he replied.

Took my money back and left. Rounded up 10 - $5 bills. Went back. NO HASSLE. Retarded. Absolutely retarded.


Money is money is money. Don't discriminate against the $100. I mean, what has it ever done to you... really???

Keep on tilt...

It may have been last summer. It may have been two summers ago. It may have even been three summers ago. But regardless of the time, the point i am getting at is if you attempt to fill an entire 80 minute CDR with TED NUGENT'S STRANGLEHOLD, the maximum tracks is eight. Why is this important? It isn't. I'll just let the video speak for itself. TILT ON

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